We live in a virtual dating world where phone calls and face-to-face communication are often obsolete. Who wants to risk the fear of rejection by calling a woman and having a conversation? Better to send a text or email and see if she responds. Written answers are carefully thought out with the goal of sparing feelings; if no one sees or hears the disappointment of the other party, it never existed. This is how we keep things laidback in an increasingly casual dating society.
Which is why, on my fifth date with this man, I made a request: "When you want to stop seeing me, please send me a text message and let me know." I don't need to endure a silent dinner or an awkward morning in bed to be told in person that things aren't working out. At this stage in the game, drama-free is what I'm looking for.
Let me preface this with saying that I always knew this man would end things with me. I saw the signs that a serious relationship was not in the cards, but I am a single woman who has had about three or four decent dates in the last two years, so I will ride out the chemistry when I find it. Do I care that we have different visions for our futures and opposing communication styles? Yes. Do I care enough to stop having great sex and occasional companionship? Ha.
So when I received a text message saying it was over, I was not surprised. Sad to lose opportunities for intimacy, disappointed to put an end to the best series of dates I've had in WAY too long, hurt that he wasn't interested enough to look past the obvious deficiencies we had, but not surprised at all. My exboyfriends who read this blog will be shocked to know I didn't even cry.
I got to process it on my own time. There were no accusations or screaming. He did not shake me like a rag doll. I didn't have to pretend to look or feel a certain way. It was the perfect breakup, except for one thing: I wanted to talk about it in person.
He said that would be fine but "Let's keep it short and try to avoid beating this into the ground."
I was annoyed with his curtness until I realized that with one sentence, he perfectly summed up exactly why this didn't work out. I need more compassion in my men. He needs more emotional restraint in his women.
But hey, I will take fun and failure in dating any day over boredom.
Which is why, on my fifth date with this man, I made a request: "When you want to stop seeing me, please send me a text message and let me know." I don't need to endure a silent dinner or an awkward morning in bed to be told in person that things aren't working out. At this stage in the game, drama-free is what I'm looking for.
Let me preface this with saying that I always knew this man would end things with me. I saw the signs that a serious relationship was not in the cards, but I am a single woman who has had about three or four decent dates in the last two years, so I will ride out the chemistry when I find it. Do I care that we have different visions for our futures and opposing communication styles? Yes. Do I care enough to stop having great sex and occasional companionship? Ha.
So when I received a text message saying it was over, I was not surprised. Sad to lose opportunities for intimacy, disappointed to put an end to the best series of dates I've had in WAY too long, hurt that he wasn't interested enough to look past the obvious deficiencies we had, but not surprised at all. My exboyfriends who read this blog will be shocked to know I didn't even cry.
I got to process it on my own time. There were no accusations or screaming. He did not shake me like a rag doll. I didn't have to pretend to look or feel a certain way. It was the perfect breakup, except for one thing: I wanted to talk about it in person.
He said that would be fine but "Let's keep it short and try to avoid beating this into the ground."
I was annoyed with his curtness until I realized that with one sentence, he perfectly summed up exactly why this didn't work out. I need more compassion in my men. He needs more emotional restraint in his women.
But hey, I will take fun and failure in dating any day over boredom.
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