Ugh

I'm back to internet dating, which feels like a neverending chore.  I've been doing it for two years with no real successes- unless you count sex on the second date with a guy you never talk to again as success, which I don't.  I still do it because it's another avenue to meet people.  I'm social and make an effort to find dates in real life, but the internet has the allure of encountering someone who otherwise would never come across my path.  I have several friends who met live-in boyfriends or husbands online. It can work.

I psych myself up for meeting someone incredible, and then I read the profiles and want to cry.

There is lostinmordor who says "In case the name isn't a dead giveaway, I'm a classic nerd, hoping to meet others of my kind."

31pissedoff spends the first paragraph of his online profile explaining how his wife took his children and left him and how every day when he comes home from work, he wishes he was returning to his family.  I guess I'd be pissed off too.

BarbarianGeek lists Jurassic Park as one of his favorite movies.

And then there is ratherWASPy who, as anyone who has ever heard me talk about dating knows, is NOT my type.

We also have UW2005, apparently having had such a good experience at University of Washington undergrad eight years ago that he wanted to include it in his screen name.

And Magnetic_Heart and City_Adventure.  If you have to use your screen name to show you're caring or adventurous, you're probably not.



 

Speaking of Distractions

Remember the man who I slept with in July who called me after seven months of no communication to ask if he could give my contact information to his friend studying to be a nurse?

After that initial phone call, he asked me to hang out a few days later.  I couldn't that night, but I appreciated the effort.  I thought he was a cool guy and while he made it clear that he wasn't interested in dating, I am always open to making new friends and building connections.  We tried to make plans for another evening, but they fell through.  Several weeks passed and I had a free evening, so I asked him if he wanted to catch up.

He suggested that we watch a movie at his place, which I thought was a little date-y for a man who specifically told me he did not want to date me, but I went with the suggestion.  I showed up and was shocked when I saw him.   He started a vegan diet about five months ago, lost at least twenty to thirty pounds, and DAMN he looked good.  I told him so.  He said the same about me.

We watched a movie together sitting on our own separate sections of his couch.  I was having a good time and didn't feel like it was awkward at all until his arm came around my side and pulled me in to cuddle.  I figured that cuddling never hurt anyone.  Isn't that what all men in their twenties want?  Just to cuddle with a woman?  I could do that.

He laid down on his couch and brought me with him so we were spooning watching the movie, his hand caressing my abdomen.  Maybe he just wants the reassurance of physical contact?  The intimacy of touch?  My mind was racing trying to justify the actions of a man who told me he wasn't interested after our last encounter.  He started kissing my neck and earlobe and then it hit me:  Men in their twenties do not just want to cuddle.  They want sex.

I turned around to face him and said I was confused.  "You told me that you didn't want to see me again after we went out last time, and now you're kissing me.  Has it just been a really long time since you had sex?"

He laughed.  "No R______, I never told you I didn't want to see you again.  I told you I didn't want to DATE you.  But I didn't want to date anyone at that point in my life...  And I don't have anything against interracial dating in general, but I don't want to date White women."

He is Black.  Everyone has a dealbreaker.

It would have been reasonable for me to be offended, having just been told that my race and gender make me good enough for fucking but undateable.  But I respond well to honesty, so instead of saying "That's really sexist and I can't believe that you have a master's degree in social work but you think it's okay to objectify women for your own sexual gratification," I hooked up with him instead.

In the end, I offered to set him up with my non-White friend who I think he would get along with.  He returned the favor and said he knows a single man I might want to meet.

We're looking out for each other.