"You talk too much," were the exact words of the only man to break up with me, ever, for a reason other than geographical distance. So I listened.
Of course there was subtext behind the remark that we both implicitly understood but is impossible to explain in words. I had my own reservations and there were several reasons why I don't think a relationship would have worked out, but my lack of emotional control- or talking too much- should never have been on the list. I have a strong sense of self and my core values, and emotional carelessness is not one of them.
We slept together once after we broke up before he moved on and found another woman who, I can say with genuine happiness for him, seems like a great fit. It was in that last night I spent with him that things came full circle.
"I'm wondering if you think that my talking too much has to do with my exboyfriend lying to me and my paranoia about lying to a partner," I asked him.
"Yes," he responded. "It's like you get nervous and you feel like everything has to be said."
And with his affirmation of my realization, I shut the fuck up about dating.
I started this blog a year and a half ago to share the ridiculousness of dating with my friends and the online world, but also as tool to process my feelings about dating after a bad, bad breakup. But it's been two years since that relationship ended and almost as long since I've been dating a lot, and I don't need to process any more. I still have awkward moments. I still make bad decisions. I still want to scream and cry and laugh at the same time as I go on horrible dates. I just don't need to process it verbally.
The blog is ending, but I will continue the same shenanigans looking for love. I am ever hopeful.
Of course there was subtext behind the remark that we both implicitly understood but is impossible to explain in words. I had my own reservations and there were several reasons why I don't think a relationship would have worked out, but my lack of emotional control- or talking too much- should never have been on the list. I have a strong sense of self and my core values, and emotional carelessness is not one of them.
We slept together once after we broke up before he moved on and found another woman who, I can say with genuine happiness for him, seems like a great fit. It was in that last night I spent with him that things came full circle.
"I'm wondering if you think that my talking too much has to do with my exboyfriend lying to me and my paranoia about lying to a partner," I asked him.
"Yes," he responded. "It's like you get nervous and you feel like everything has to be said."
And with his affirmation of my realization, I shut the fuck up about dating.
I started this blog a year and a half ago to share the ridiculousness of dating with my friends and the online world, but also as tool to process my feelings about dating after a bad, bad breakup. But it's been two years since that relationship ended and almost as long since I've been dating a lot, and I don't need to process any more. I still have awkward moments. I still make bad decisions. I still want to scream and cry and laugh at the same time as I go on horrible dates. I just don't need to process it verbally.
The blog is ending, but I will continue the same shenanigans looking for love. I am ever hopeful.
