Three Reasons

How could I have forgotten the third and final reason a man gave to me for not wanting to date me?!?

"I don't have anything against interracial dating in general, but I don't want to date White women."

I did not argue.

Also

For the record, I don't know a single woman alive who would try and convince a man who explicitly said he wasn't interested to date her.

There are two reasons given to me in the last few years by men who didn't want to date me:

1)   The other woman he was seeing was younger.  And he really loved her kid.

2)  "You talk too much."

The first reason came from my last boyfriend who I was in love with, and it tore me apart.  I was 29 and too old, and I had spent the previous 11 years of my life successfully using birth control.  I would have been his choice had I not taken Plan B after those stupid encounters when there was no Plan A.

The second reason came from the man I dated last winter who asked to cum in my ass the first time we were making out.  So who is the one who talked too much?

I thought these reasons were ridiculous, but why would I ever try to convince someone who wasn't interested to date me?  They had moved on, and I had to as well. 

Not Taking No For An Answer

My 55th first date did exactly what all men who are interested in a woman should do.  He followed up promptly the next day with a text message saying he had a good time, and he asked me out again.  The only problem was I wasn't interested.

I thought long and hard about how to break the news to him because he didn't strike me as the kind of gentleman who would back down easily.  I consulted some male friends and fellow internet daters, and we decided on the following response:

"Hey, thanks for meeting up!  I had a fun time but the chemistry just wasn't there for me.  But good luck in your dating search!"

Short, polite, and gives a specific reason to help with closure.  I thought that would do the trick.

Nope! 

"Well I have to say I'm disappointed... I don't usually create chemistry on date #1...  It comes later with me.  So I'd like to say give it more time."

Time is one thing I don't have.  I'm 31!!!!!  My ovaries are dying, my hair is graying, my boobs are starting to sag, and I'm fighting an aging metabolism to maintain a physique that will still get me laid.  Also chemistry, by definition, isn't something you "create."  It's there or it's not.

I wrote back and explained that I usually know on the first date if I'm feeling it and that I've regretted when I kept dating men I wasn't that interested in.  I hoped to close the exchange with a piece of optimism:  "Again, I did have a good time and I hope you find what you're looking for!"

He had to have the last word.  "Well then we are talking about attractiveness cuz yeah that's instantaneous.  You're not attracted to me/I'm not your type.  It's all good."

The irony was I was attracted to him, and had I not already been sleeping with a man I'm not that into I would have endured another evening of offensive statements with the hope that maybe I'd get laid at some point.  But thanks to Recovering Alcoholic I'm good on the casual sex front and I'm not that interested in needlessly adding more partners to a list that seems to be exponentially expanding.

I let him have the final text message.  I've got the blog :-)
 

Number 55

I agreed to go out with my date tonight because of a single sentence in his OkCupid profile:

"I am NOT like your typical Seattle man."

He was born and raised in New York.  I had to give it a shot.

Points scored for showing up on time, shaving, and avoiding flannel.

But as he talked nonstop and didn't ask me a single question about myself the entire evening, I found myself thinking he could use a few tips about Pacific Northwest passiveness.

At some point he gave his opinions on humanitarian aid:

"I have a friend who's going down to Honduras to work in a village with Doctors With Borders or some shit like that." 

Yes, he said Doctors With Borders.  I did not mistype. 

"I mean, it's so dumb!  He's not gonna save anyone and he's just gonna get himself killed in the process.  He'd be better off making a few million dollars and bombing the shit out of whoever's in charge because their government isn't doing anything to help them."

My thoughts exactly.

A New Way to Meet People

Another great thing about being single is when you go to clubs, your friends will purposefully knock you into any man standing without a woman by his side.  If you apologize and try to go on your merry way, you will be knocked into him again.  A conversation is warranted by the fourth or fifth time you've been forced to bump hips.  It's a very mature way to meet people at age 31.

And then the man will laugh and say something like this:

"Your homegirl is awesome for getting you out there.  I wish more people would try that technique.  I'd love to help you out, but I've actually got a girlfriend."

It was worth a shot.

Back to America

I came back this week and sent a text message to Recovering Alcoholic to check in:  "Hey, how's it going?"

His response?

"My balls are aching."

Keeping it classy.