Call me Reese Witherspoon

Sometimes I feel like I'm in the opening scene of a romantic comedy, playing the girl who goes on dozens of disastrous dates before she meets the man of her dreams.

Like this week, when I had a painful first date with a man with a stutter so distracting that I could not concentrate on anything else. We sat across from each other as he got caught on his words, pausing for seconds at a time to take a deep breath and start over again. I tried to ignore it and remain engaged, but all I could do was watch the clock until I'd decided that enough time had passed to end the date without making him feel awful.

And yes, for the record, I feel like a horrible person. Such is internet dating.

What Todd Akin and My Dating Pool have in Common

His single friend was attractive-ish but not really my type.  He wore a buttoned down Abercrombie shirt and pressed jeans, had just transplanted from New York for a Microsoft finance job, and was living in Belltown.  I didn't ask, but I am certain that his spare time was spent at wine tastings and out on his friends' sailboats.  Come on, Seattle, you know exactly the kind of douchbag I'm referring to.

He wasted no time in indicating what he was after, eyeing me up and down and inquiring, "So can I get on you tonight?"

Why I didn't walk away right then, I don't know.  Loneliness?  Desperation?  The potential for a new blog post?  Instead of the quick kick to the groin that he deserved, I smiled, touched his arm, moved in closer, and responded, "Maybe we should get to know each other a little better."

We talked about really fascinating stuff for a few minutes, like how he grew up in New Hampshire and works in finance.  Ooooh, tell me more.

His friends told him that they were about to take off, and he asked me if I was coming with them.

"Where are you going?," I wanted to know.

He eyed me up and down again and winked.  "Rapetown," he replied.

Poor guy, he didn't know.  He didn't know that I provide medical care to women and men who have been raped.  He didn't know that while I may be sweet and flirty, I am also an ardent feminist.  He didn't know that rape jokes in Seattle, the world's epicenter of political correctness, are not acceptable, or that rape jokes in ANY city are not acceptable.  He thought he was being smooth, that I would think the idea of being forced to have sex by a man who I met in a bar that night was hot, not absolutely terrifying and disgusting.  He was wrong.

He tried to smooth things over by offering to buy me a drink.  What woman wants to drink alcohol purchased by a man who just made a joke about raping her?

So yeah, I'm still single.

Close but no cigar

I met a man last night, at a bar in Fremont, and I could feel the instant chemistry that I've spent the last year searching for on the internet.  The second he was out of hearing range, I asked my mutual friend what she knew about him- was he single???

"He's engaged," she said.  I sighed frustration and went to sit in a different area to explore other possibilities.  But this man followed me a few minutes later, put his hand on my shoulder, and struck up the conversation again. 

After he'd had several beers, he laid it out on the table:  "Look, you are really cute and sweet, but I don't want to lead you on.  I've been with my girlfriend for seven years, and we're engaged."

The compliment was all I needed to hear.  The chemistry was mutual!  He said I was cute!  In a dating world where connections are so few and far between, I was happy to have those feelings shared- even if nothing was going to come from it.

"So since you're taken," I told him, "do you have any single friends?"

He did.  But his single friend deserves his own post on this blog.  To be continued...

Tick Tock

Then BAM!  Under the flashing lights of the Perseid meteor shower, lying beside an alpine lake on rocks still emanating heat from a gorgeous summer day, in the company of two friends from childhood, I turned 30.

Tick tock tick tock tick tock.  It's the sound of my biological clock telling me I have five years- five years!- to have a child without the diagnosis of "advanced maternal age" in my medical chart.  And I have not been on a date in nearly a month.

Things I have done in the last decade besides getting engaged, getting married, or getting pregnant:

Graduated from college
Served in AmeriCorps
Completed a Fulbright fellowship
Earned a master's degree
Learned a second language
Fell in love- twice
Lived in four different countries, and traveled to many more
Found a career that I love, that is my passion and calling in life
Started prescribing medications
Climbed to the top of Central America, just shy of 14,000 feet
Saved lives, made lives less painful, participated in the act of healing the world
Made lifelong friends along the way

I did these things because I was single, because I didn't have to compromise my goals and desires to fit the goals and desires of a partner.

So while I cannot stop that clock from ticking, I intend to make the moments count- to keep learning, keep traveling, keep loving, keep climbing, keep doing my small part to save the world- all with one eye on my internet dating accounts.

Tick tock away.