Pride

I may or may not have almost had an orgy last night.  At 2 am.  In Volunteer Park.

Along with the grass stains on the back of my dress, a text message this morning helped me remember:

"If you end up feeling weird/frustrated/used, I really apologize.  I definitely enjoyed myself and we stopped well before anything that I'd regret, but I probably should have asked your permission before, like, using your thighs as a pillow.  So, uh, sorry and I'll be more gentlemanly in the future. (That said, your thighs make awesome pillows and it required much drunk willpower not to jump you.)"

Who cares?!?  It's Pride weekend!

And the award for the worst first date idea goes to...

My mom has been plotting with her coworker about how they are going to get her single, Jewish son to make babies with my single, Jewish self.

I got this email today:

"I don't know if ____  has e-mailed you yet, but if not, here's his address...

You 2 may want to meet at a Shabbat service. I don't think he's religious, but he likes music. Just a suggestion……….."

 

Thanks mom.

The "It" Factor

A few things I'm looking for:

1) Smooth.  Confident enough to close the deal. 

2)  But not so smooth that he lies.

3)  Bonus points if Jewish.

4)  Or not White.

5)  Does not make racist comments.  Go ahead and judge my hypocrisy.

6)  Knows to tell me how amazing my body is the first time clothes come off (see #1).  Note to my male readers:  This is a very effective strategy to get a woman to want you, and it should be employed routinely.

7)  Is not violent.

8)  Occasional drug use is okay, as long as it does not involve meth or needles.

9)  FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN.  This is very important to me.

10)  Much less important is that he lack a criminal record.  I am rethinking this one, as it has not worked out successfully for me in the past.

11)  Not bearded or mustached.  This is difficult to find in Seattle.

12)  Good at math.  Perhaps this is derived from my Matt Damon in Good Will Hunting fantasy, but a cute guy explaining a math concept is my equivalent of porn. 

13)  Will accept good at art, music, or creative writing in lieu of math.  Will not accept good at computer programming.

On Attraction

Last week, at a friend's party, I ended up talking to a man I had absolutely no interest in.  At the first chance I got, I escaped to the patio where the girls had congregated.

He made his way over later, and then asked for my number in front of my friends as the party was coming to a close.  What woman would deny a nice guy her number in front of a group of people?  Not me.  I was stuck.

My friends loved him.  "He's kind, tall, attractive, and was clearly into you."  When he sent me a text message a couple minutes later that said "It was a pleasure to meet you," they swooned.  I was underwhelmed. 

"You have to give him a chance!  Just go out with him once, and maybe you'll become attracted to him once you get to know him."

I retorted that I can't go out with someone who I can't imagine myself making out with.  "Then don't make out with him on the first date!  Wait and see if an attraction develops!"

I went out with him tonight, and I have to admit that they had a point.  This midwest boy has a master's in creative writing, is working on a book, plays sports, goes hiking, was polite, showed an interest in me, and did not make me wish that I was sticking a pen in my eye five minutes into the date.  He did become more attractive to me as the night went on, and I started to wonder what it would be like to kiss him.  All good signs.

But I have that nagging feeling- that every time I've been in love, I have known right away that we had something special.  When I've ignored the absence of that chemistry with men in the past and tried to forge a relationship based on kindness and compatability alone, I regretted it.  I want to stretch myself and give nice guys a chance when I have borderline feelings, but in the end, I feel like it will always come down to that "it" factor.  Then again, that "it" factor sometimes guides me to losers.

What draws me to a man?  To be continued...

"I  became a computer engineer because I thought a computer programmer was too sissy"

I just spent two hours of my life with a man, and I literally don't remember anything else he said.

Must stop dating men who work in IT.

Small World

I was so proud of myself for meeting a guy in real life that I relayed the story to several friends the next day.  Lo and behold, one of those friends made out with the same guy three years ago, and she was unimpressed when he did not walk her to her car afterwards.  Love it!

Prowling

Last night I was determined to meet a man who I hadn't corresponded with on the internet.  I shaved, put on a cute dress, did my hair and makeup, grabbed my brother and his girlfriend as wingmen, and went to a show at Neumos.  I spotted two attractive men in my age range standing together who I guessed were not gay, and I closed in.

The one closest to me took the bait and we started talking- okay, screaming in each others ears to hear over the music.  He's a professional kiteboarder and works at Microsoft.  Hmmm, attractive, has an interesting hobby, and makes money?  Sold.

I ditched my wingmen and got a drink with my new friends after the show.  Numbers exchanged.  Even if nothing more happens, I am satisfied.  Sometimes all I need is a man to show interest in me, touch my shoulder, and buy me a drink.  Goal met.