I know you are all waiting with bated breath, dying to know what on earth has happened to the 17 men I've bedded in the four years since this blog started. Here is what these characters have been doing, in order from most to least recent:
17) "W" and I continue to not fall in love with each other while spending several nights a week together. He still makes minimum wage. He turned 36.
16) Crazy Chinatown Man got a job, moved out of his mother's home, quit opiates, and has been happy in his new relationship for about five months now. We decided that we'll be friends when I move to Oregon, and his girlfriend has agreed to meet me because the three of us hanging out is going to be TOTALLY RAD AND NOT AWKWARD FOR ANYONE.
15) Crazy Colorado Man sends me texts like "I love your breasts and your body very much!" and "Come visit Colorado." I have no plans to visit Colorado.
14) Engineer With a Houseboat is still with his girlfriend that he started dating when he took me to Vashon Island to hang out on a beach and drink wine and tell me about how excited he was to have met her. Yay! Love prevails!
13) There was this lawyer who did yoga who got all pissy when I didn't want to keep dating him. I told him we could be friends. We're not.
12) Alcoholic Apartment Building Neighbor and I run into each other about once a month and he says "We should catch up some time" and I say "Yes, I know!" and we never do.
11) Photographer still photographs and is in an open relationship with a web-cam model who he met on Tinder. For his 37th birthday, she presented him with her friend wrapped in a bow. He's in love.
10) Tech Dude Who I Screwed On His Birthday had another birthday this year. His friend is my friend's ex-boyfriend, so I showed up to the birthday party of my friend's ex-boyfriend and some random guy I slept with two years ago. What the hell was I thinking?!?!?
9) Recovering Alcoholic has recovered and holds a job and a girlfriend. He actually seems pretty stable and normal now.
8) New York one night stand #3- I have no idea.
7) New York one night stand #2- I have an idea, but I don't want to say it, because this guy was amazing and for once, I'd like to keep the sanctity of a connection between two people without sharing details with the internet.
6) Anal Obsession Guy married a former lesbian. I hear through mutual friends that they're going to build a second house on his property for her to live in so they both have their own space. God bless.
5) Alcoholic Who Stole My Sleeping Medication is my Facebook friend. He posted this on Facebook 12 hours ago:
"The fuck. They tossed their technology into the sun and scattered throughout the continents 150 thousand years ago!?! The continents were fucking empty then; Africa was the only game in town. And half the people looking forward to some technology free farming found out it's always winter somewhere on this muthafucker. Y'all nerds need to stop talking up battlestar galactica; wasted my fucking holidays."
?????
4) Social Worker Who Didn't Want To Date Me Because I'm White rode his bike past me on 12th Ave. a few weeks ago. Missed connection.
3) Patrick walked out of my apartment after sleeping with me on the second date. He texted me a few minutes later, "I forgot my hat." I brought it to the front door. Neither one of us contacted the other again.
2) New York one night stand #1 decided to move to Seattle to date me then cancelled his flight because he got a girlfriend. The girlfriend became a wife who became the mother of his daughter. They live happily ever after in Brooklyn. The End.
1) Crazy Lawyer Who Shook Me calmed down a ton. After my first and only brush with dating violence, we're now friends. He sometimes sends me drunk, weepy text messages. I respond calmly.
17) "W" and I continue to not fall in love with each other while spending several nights a week together. He still makes minimum wage. He turned 36.
16) Crazy Chinatown Man got a job, moved out of his mother's home, quit opiates, and has been happy in his new relationship for about five months now. We decided that we'll be friends when I move to Oregon, and his girlfriend has agreed to meet me because the three of us hanging out is going to be TOTALLY RAD AND NOT AWKWARD FOR ANYONE.
15) Crazy Colorado Man sends me texts like "I love your breasts and your body very much!" and "Come visit Colorado." I have no plans to visit Colorado.
14) Engineer With a Houseboat is still with his girlfriend that he started dating when he took me to Vashon Island to hang out on a beach and drink wine and tell me about how excited he was to have met her. Yay! Love prevails!
13) There was this lawyer who did yoga who got all pissy when I didn't want to keep dating him. I told him we could be friends. We're not.
12) Alcoholic Apartment Building Neighbor and I run into each other about once a month and he says "We should catch up some time" and I say "Yes, I know!" and we never do.
11) Photographer still photographs and is in an open relationship with a web-cam model who he met on Tinder. For his 37th birthday, she presented him with her friend wrapped in a bow. He's in love.
10) Tech Dude Who I Screwed On His Birthday had another birthday this year. His friend is my friend's ex-boyfriend, so I showed up to the birthday party of my friend's ex-boyfriend and some random guy I slept with two years ago. What the hell was I thinking?!?!?
9) Recovering Alcoholic has recovered and holds a job and a girlfriend. He actually seems pretty stable and normal now.
8) New York one night stand #3- I have no idea.
7) New York one night stand #2- I have an idea, but I don't want to say it, because this guy was amazing and for once, I'd like to keep the sanctity of a connection between two people without sharing details with the internet.
6) Anal Obsession Guy married a former lesbian. I hear through mutual friends that they're going to build a second house on his property for her to live in so they both have their own space. God bless.
5) Alcoholic Who Stole My Sleeping Medication is my Facebook friend. He posted this on Facebook 12 hours ago:
"The fuck. They tossed their technology into the sun and scattered throughout the continents 150 thousand years ago!?! The continents were fucking empty then; Africa was the only game in town. And half the people looking forward to some technology free farming found out it's always winter somewhere on this muthafucker. Y'all nerds need to stop talking up battlestar galactica; wasted my fucking holidays."
?????
4) Social Worker Who Didn't Want To Date Me Because I'm White rode his bike past me on 12th Ave. a few weeks ago. Missed connection.
3) Patrick walked out of my apartment after sleeping with me on the second date. He texted me a few minutes later, "I forgot my hat." I brought it to the front door. Neither one of us contacted the other again.
2) New York one night stand #1 decided to move to Seattle to date me then cancelled his flight because he got a girlfriend. The girlfriend became a wife who became the mother of his daughter. They live happily ever after in Brooklyn. The End.
1) Crazy Lawyer Who Shook Me calmed down a ton. After my first and only brush with dating violence, we're now friends. He sometimes sends me drunk, weepy text messages. I respond calmly.
