It's 4 am, and I just woke up from a nightmare during which I was eating dinner with a slightly bald, slightly chubby, (incidentally clean-shaven) White man who relocated from the Midwest to Seattle for a tech job and told me that men like him are the future of Seattle, and I was never going to find a boyfriend because I've been on 72 first dates and that's hopeless.
I threw a glass of seltzer water in his face.
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