I, R________, regret that I didn't make my annual trip to New York this year, because every time I go I meet a man off the internet and get laid.
I regret that I had no romantic chemistry with the Jewish, outdoorsy, public high school biology teacher I met online, because he was awesome and a total catch.
I regret that I got drunk and had sex with a man in May who I wasn't attracted to, and I furthermore regret that to get through that experience I had to close my eyes and imagine I was fucking someone else.
I regret that, with all our modern day medical advances, there is still no vaccine for herpes.
Also, HIV. I regret HIV and that there is no vaccine for it.
I regret that I have a biologic clock because if I didn't, I would be perfectly content messing around for another ten years and having children in my forties.
I regret beards and flannel. Still. Every. Single. Fucking. Day.
I regret the already-occurred or impending closures of The Hurricane, the Erotic Bakery, B&O Espresso, Piecoras, The Harvard Exit, Chop Suey, Red Light Vintage, The Bagel Deli, and every other Seattle institution that stood for decades and then, in the span of a couple years, was wiped out by rising rent costs and the rapidly changing urban elite demographic which has completely altered the character of this city. I would so much rather eat a B&O rumball than go on a date with any of the men who are going to live in the condos that replaced that café.
I regret the horrible, horrible hour of my life spent with a man featured in Seattle Magazine's "Most Fascinating Singles" article. He was Not. Fascinating.
I regret that many of my dates seem borderline autistic.
I regret, big time, that I freaked out on Crazy Chinatown Man who tried to be sweet and walk me to my car after having sex. That exposed a vulnerability that I didn't know I had, and I need to do some soul-searching about why I feel more comfortable when I leave a man's home on my own than when a man shows genuine care for me and wants to be nice. Therapy for 2015!!!
I regret that I had no romantic chemistry with the Jewish, outdoorsy, public high school biology teacher I met online, because he was awesome and a total catch.
I regret that I got drunk and had sex with a man in May who I wasn't attracted to, and I furthermore regret that to get through that experience I had to close my eyes and imagine I was fucking someone else.
I regret that, with all our modern day medical advances, there is still no vaccine for herpes.
Also, HIV. I regret HIV and that there is no vaccine for it.
I regret that I have a biologic clock because if I didn't, I would be perfectly content messing around for another ten years and having children in my forties.
I regret beards and flannel. Still. Every. Single. Fucking. Day.
I regret the already-occurred or impending closures of The Hurricane, the Erotic Bakery, B&O Espresso, Piecoras, The Harvard Exit, Chop Suey, Red Light Vintage, The Bagel Deli, and every other Seattle institution that stood for decades and then, in the span of a couple years, was wiped out by rising rent costs and the rapidly changing urban elite demographic which has completely altered the character of this city. I would so much rather eat a B&O rumball than go on a date with any of the men who are going to live in the condos that replaced that café.
I regret the horrible, horrible hour of my life spent with a man featured in Seattle Magazine's "Most Fascinating Singles" article. He was Not. Fascinating.
I regret that many of my dates seem borderline autistic.
I regret, big time, that I freaked out on Crazy Chinatown Man who tried to be sweet and walk me to my car after having sex. That exposed a vulnerability that I didn't know I had, and I need to do some soul-searching about why I feel more comfortable when I leave a man's home on my own than when a man shows genuine care for me and wants to be nice. Therapy for 2015!!!
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