Let's return to the issue at hand, which is that I had sex with a man who I'm just not that into. This is recurring theme in my dating life that I earnestly tried to correct over the last few months, but I'M LONELY. I am coming up on four years of not being in a relationship and while some encounters have had more meaning than others, I am partially sustained by the late-night caresses and soft conversations with men who I'm "meh" about.
I made my peace with casual sex awhile ago, but I prefer it to go both ways. Gender stereotypes suggest that men are the jackass fuck machines, yet this hasn't (generally) been my experience. Most of the men I sleep with seem to want more, and I hate having to tell them where I stand. I don't feel guilty about the sex; I feel guilty about leading people on.
If you were to ask me how to communicate lack of interest to a man you'd slept with, I would advise that honesty is the best policy and to do it in a text message. So with that in mind, I have been coming up with possible excuses to text the last man I slept with that will cause no more than minimal hurt. They all start with "Hey W____, I wanted to let you know I had a really nice time the other night..."
... I recently have been having some medical issues and need to concentrate on my health for the moment.
... I actually just found out I was pregnant (not yours- don't worry!) and it's not a good time for me to be dating.
... I've been seeing this other guy for a few months and we just decided to make it exclusive.
... My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer last week and my family is my priority right now.
So... the honesty part is really, really hard. But writing "Hey W____, I wanted to let you know I had a really nice time the other night. I feel like dating-wise my interests are elsewhere, but I wish you the best" makes me feel like a horrible person.
Particularly when, within twelve hours of leaving my apartment in the morning, this man texted "Although I was tired today, I was in an exceptionally good mood thanks to you."
Ugh.
I made my peace with casual sex awhile ago, but I prefer it to go both ways. Gender stereotypes suggest that men are the jackass fuck machines, yet this hasn't (generally) been my experience. Most of the men I sleep with seem to want more, and I hate having to tell them where I stand. I don't feel guilty about the sex; I feel guilty about leading people on.
If you were to ask me how to communicate lack of interest to a man you'd slept with, I would advise that honesty is the best policy and to do it in a text message. So with that in mind, I have been coming up with possible excuses to text the last man I slept with that will cause no more than minimal hurt. They all start with "Hey W____, I wanted to let you know I had a really nice time the other night..."
... I recently have been having some medical issues and need to concentrate on my health for the moment.
... I actually just found out I was pregnant (not yours- don't worry!) and it's not a good time for me to be dating.
... I've been seeing this other guy for a few months and we just decided to make it exclusive.
... My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer last week and my family is my priority right now.
So... the honesty part is really, really hard. But writing "Hey W____, I wanted to let you know I had a really nice time the other night. I feel like dating-wise my interests are elsewhere, but I wish you the best" makes me feel like a horrible person.
Particularly when, within twelve hours of leaving my apartment in the morning, this man texted "Although I was tired today, I was in an exceptionally good mood thanks to you."
Ugh.
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