Sometime in the next week, I will get a letter telling me if I've been awarded a loan repayment contract for working as a medical provider at a low-income community health center. If I'm offered a contract, I commit to staying with my employer for another two years and my student debt will be eliminated. If I'm not offered a contract, I have two choices: 1) Stay in Seattle and reapply next year. 2) Move to a location where I am more likely to be awarded loan repayment. Two major cities that I would live in are on the list: New York and Chicago. And every time I go to New York, I get laid.
This has been weighing on me for the last month. With every disappointing date I go on I get more and more anxious to leave, but as Seattle heads into summer, I remember why this city is so fucking amazing.
We have naked bicyclists on parade at a solstice festival, yo! By popular vote, we legalized the marriages of all people, gay or straight, AND allowed their friends to legally get stoned at their weddings! We have bike paths and green energy and composting! We have shimmering lakes, mountain ranges, an incredible urban park system! Sustainable vegetarian restaurants! Amazing music! Orca whales! Farmers markets! Killer pho! Gorgeous drag queens!
And last night, when I was post-solstice parade trashed at 10 pm and I found myself lying alone on the grass in Gasworks Park, watching the sky turn pink over Lake Union and light the rooftops of Capitol Hill, and my friend drove over to pick me up and drive me home because I was too drunk to keep walking, I realized that I have pretty incredible friendships here too.
The weird thing about being single is that when everything else is going so well in your life, you still feel unfulfilled. I could not ask for a better career, friendships, or life in this city, but a part of me constantly feels empty. That I should feel unsuccessful or like a failure because I'm not in a relationship makes no sense. Yet I do.
Loan repayment or a boyfriend. One of two things will keep me in Seattle. I'll find out soon.
This has been weighing on me for the last month. With every disappointing date I go on I get more and more anxious to leave, but as Seattle heads into summer, I remember why this city is so fucking amazing.
We have naked bicyclists on parade at a solstice festival, yo! By popular vote, we legalized the marriages of all people, gay or straight, AND allowed their friends to legally get stoned at their weddings! We have bike paths and green energy and composting! We have shimmering lakes, mountain ranges, an incredible urban park system! Sustainable vegetarian restaurants! Amazing music! Orca whales! Farmers markets! Killer pho! Gorgeous drag queens!
And last night, when I was post-solstice parade trashed at 10 pm and I found myself lying alone on the grass in Gasworks Park, watching the sky turn pink over Lake Union and light the rooftops of Capitol Hill, and my friend drove over to pick me up and drive me home because I was too drunk to keep walking, I realized that I have pretty incredible friendships here too.
The weird thing about being single is that when everything else is going so well in your life, you still feel unfulfilled. I could not ask for a better career, friendships, or life in this city, but a part of me constantly feels empty. That I should feel unsuccessful or like a failure because I'm not in a relationship makes no sense. Yet I do.
Loan repayment or a boyfriend. One of two things will keep me in Seattle. I'll find out soon.
No comments:
Post a Comment