I went out with him last week and will sum up the encounter with the following:
1) I was more attracted to him after realizing he is, just like my friends advised, a really cool person.
2) I could understand his accent once we were in a quieter bar.
3) I have not seen his penis.
He immediately won points with me when he showed up clean-shaven and wearing a sport jacket. He won more points when he told me he was a social worker. More points still when he said he did freelance writing and was in a band. And him being African does not hurt one bit.
I am still struggling with the chemistry question, but what really made me interested happened the day after our date and hardly involved him at all.
I was doing tequila shots on Thursday night with a friend before going to a porn festival. Yes, you read that correctly (and HOW am I single again???). I told her about him and when I said his name she looked at me funny. "What did you say his name was?" I repeated it. "That's my best friend's husband."
They broke up, she explained, several years ago, but have stayed married for immigration purposes. They remained friends and it sounds like the breakup, while heartwrenching as breakups often are, was amicable.
I am, as I have said before, a steadfast believer in being on good terms with past partners. Having gone through a horrible breakup myself, I learned how much you can tell about a person from the way a relationship ends. It shows how they handle stress and conflict when they are at a most vulnerable point- breaking a loved one's heart or having their own heart broken. Do they lie to you repeatedly about being with another woman with the excuse that they did not want to hurt you? Or do they take a deep breath and say they're sorry, they are interested in someone else, and they want to move on?
My friend reassured me, "He's a good guy. I approve." So while I still am on the fence, my interest did increase. If his ex-wife's best friend thinks he's a good guy, then he must have done a lot of things right during that breakup. That is the type of guy I would want to date.
1) I was more attracted to him after realizing he is, just like my friends advised, a really cool person.
2) I could understand his accent once we were in a quieter bar.
3) I have not seen his penis.
He immediately won points with me when he showed up clean-shaven and wearing a sport jacket. He won more points when he told me he was a social worker. More points still when he said he did freelance writing and was in a band. And him being African does not hurt one bit.
I am still struggling with the chemistry question, but what really made me interested happened the day after our date and hardly involved him at all.
I was doing tequila shots on Thursday night with a friend before going to a porn festival. Yes, you read that correctly (and HOW am I single again???). I told her about him and when I said his name she looked at me funny. "What did you say his name was?" I repeated it. "That's my best friend's husband."
They broke up, she explained, several years ago, but have stayed married for immigration purposes. They remained friends and it sounds like the breakup, while heartwrenching as breakups often are, was amicable.
I am, as I have said before, a steadfast believer in being on good terms with past partners. Having gone through a horrible breakup myself, I learned how much you can tell about a person from the way a relationship ends. It shows how they handle stress and conflict when they are at a most vulnerable point- breaking a loved one's heart or having their own heart broken. Do they lie to you repeatedly about being with another woman with the excuse that they did not want to hurt you? Or do they take a deep breath and say they're sorry, they are interested in someone else, and they want to move on?
My friend reassured me, "He's a good guy. I approve." So while I still am on the fence, my interest did increase. If his ex-wife's best friend thinks he's a good guy, then he must have done a lot of things right during that breakup. That is the type of guy I would want to date.
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