"D" and I met half a lifetime ago in Jerusalem, during a high school study abroad program. He was hot and I was not, and he had a girlfriend the entire time. We reconnected through Facebook, then two years ago we met up twice for dinner when his rotation in physician assistant school took him from Arizona to Seattle.
He was still hot, and this time around he was single. We also had a ton in common: outdoorsy, medical workers, JEWISH. Both evenings that we saw each other I had a good time. There was no clear romantic chemistry, but we weren't dating and there didn't need to be. We were old friends with similar interests catching up with each other.
I haven't seen him since our second dinner in February of 2013, but about a week after we said goodbye and hugged in the parking lot of a Thai restaurant, when he was back in graduate school in Arizona, the texts started.
"You're more attractive than I remember in high school... Why didn't we sleep together when I was in Seattle?"
I was stunned. He'd given no indication during our two meals that he had any interest in sleeping with me but here he was, describing through detailed text messages the way he wanted to touch me, how he would enter my body, where he would ejaculate. He asked me if I'd let him cum inside my ass without a condom on and I said yes because hey- it's just phone sex!- and condomless anal phone sex is the safest sex you could have.
That was two years ago and for some reason- likely a combination of both of us being kind of lonely and kind of crazy- the conversation picks up and continues every few months. We both work in medicine so he will send a text in the middle of a Tuesday like this:
"Do you treat herpes zoster with steroids?"
"Herpes zoster," for readers outside of healthcare, is the medical term for shingles, and "No," I tell him, "I don't."
We text back and forth for a few minutes about when I use oral steroids in practice, and then he says:
"Come visit me. I want to hang out with you and lick your nipples and have fun and eat good food."
If you ever wondered what your healthcare provider is doing at work when not seeing patients, you now have your answer.
"D" lives in Colorado now and has begged me to visit him there several times, but I've been holding back. Why, you may ask, is The Queen of Bad Decisions practicing restraint? The answer is simple, and it's that flying to Boulder to have first-time sex with a man who I've never kissed might make for a really awkward long weekend and would cost about $400 for a plane ticket.
"But what are you waiting for? We're both Jews, smart, into the same things..."
"Yes, but we live in different states." Occasionally I am quite logical.
"So you are not really open to me or us?"
This is where I get confused because WE HAVE NEVER HAD A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP. How did two platonic dinners and a couple years of intermittent sexting turn into a serious conversation about "us"? Is it possible, I wondered, that he is even crazier than Crazy Chinatown Man? If so, it's a level of crazy that I don't think I can handle.
"I am open to anything," I responded, which sums up my philosophy about life and relationships. "But right now I'm preoccupied with someone else. There are no guarantees with him, but I can't take time to visit Colorado now and I don't want to visit with the pressure to have a sexual relationship."
"There is no pressure," he texted back, immediately followed by "Can we have phone sex tonight with pics?"
I was annoyed and stated what I felt was obvious. "When you ask me to send pics, I feel pressure to have a sexual relationship." Duh.
He backtracked. "Yes sweet lady. You should know that I am fond of you and respect you in many ways. I would love to chat more. FYI."
So if things don't work out with Crazy Chinatown Man, Crazy Colorado Man is my backup plan. At least he's Jewish.
He was still hot, and this time around he was single. We also had a ton in common: outdoorsy, medical workers, JEWISH. Both evenings that we saw each other I had a good time. There was no clear romantic chemistry, but we weren't dating and there didn't need to be. We were old friends with similar interests catching up with each other.
I haven't seen him since our second dinner in February of 2013, but about a week after we said goodbye and hugged in the parking lot of a Thai restaurant, when he was back in graduate school in Arizona, the texts started.
"You're more attractive than I remember in high school... Why didn't we sleep together when I was in Seattle?"
I was stunned. He'd given no indication during our two meals that he had any interest in sleeping with me but here he was, describing through detailed text messages the way he wanted to touch me, how he would enter my body, where he would ejaculate. He asked me if I'd let him cum inside my ass without a condom on and I said yes because hey- it's just phone sex!- and condomless anal phone sex is the safest sex you could have.
That was two years ago and for some reason- likely a combination of both of us being kind of lonely and kind of crazy- the conversation picks up and continues every few months. We both work in medicine so he will send a text in the middle of a Tuesday like this:
"Do you treat herpes zoster with steroids?"
"Herpes zoster," for readers outside of healthcare, is the medical term for shingles, and "No," I tell him, "I don't."
We text back and forth for a few minutes about when I use oral steroids in practice, and then he says:
"Come visit me. I want to hang out with you and lick your nipples and have fun and eat good food."
If you ever wondered what your healthcare provider is doing at work when not seeing patients, you now have your answer.
"D" lives in Colorado now and has begged me to visit him there several times, but I've been holding back. Why, you may ask, is The Queen of Bad Decisions practicing restraint? The answer is simple, and it's that flying to Boulder to have first-time sex with a man who I've never kissed might make for a really awkward long weekend and would cost about $400 for a plane ticket.
"But what are you waiting for? We're both Jews, smart, into the same things..."
"Yes, but we live in different states." Occasionally I am quite logical.
"So you are not really open to me or us?"
This is where I get confused because WE HAVE NEVER HAD A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP. How did two platonic dinners and a couple years of intermittent sexting turn into a serious conversation about "us"? Is it possible, I wondered, that he is even crazier than Crazy Chinatown Man? If so, it's a level of crazy that I don't think I can handle.
"I am open to anything," I responded, which sums up my philosophy about life and relationships. "But right now I'm preoccupied with someone else. There are no guarantees with him, but I can't take time to visit Colorado now and I don't want to visit with the pressure to have a sexual relationship."
"There is no pressure," he texted back, immediately followed by "Can we have phone sex tonight with pics?"
I was annoyed and stated what I felt was obvious. "When you ask me to send pics, I feel pressure to have a sexual relationship." Duh.
He backtracked. "Yes sweet lady. You should know that I am fond of you and respect you in many ways. I would love to chat more. FYI."
So if things don't work out with Crazy Chinatown Man, Crazy Colorado Man is my backup plan. At least he's Jewish.
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