Monday, February 16, 2015

Hymie The Robot

If you're aiming to be 100% certain that I will never respond to a message you send me on OkCupid, you should probably make your screen name HymieTheRobot.  Is this a pop culture reference?  A tribute to your favorite engineer?  I don't know, and I SOOOO don't care.

Then, write this:

"It makes me so happy to see someone looking at a flip phone, good for you.

A couple of line breaks should be segue enough. I was wondering, would you care to join me for cocktails? I'll get the first round or two."

A couple of line breaks should be segue enough?!?  You are socially awkward, and you are a shitty writer.

Also, in your profile, when you write "I'm no braggart, but if I have the mind to get good at something I usually do," you are bragging, and you are still a shitty writer.

If there was any doubt in my mind that I made a mistake by passing up the opportunity for you to buy me 1-2 drinks, it was completely erased when you put up a picture of you and your (all male) Xbox One design team on launch day.

Usually a person's lack of response to a request for a date is a pretty good indicator that he or she isn't interested, but not in your self-entitled Microsoft world!  JUST IN CASE I was thinking it over and needed an extra push to get you to buy me those cocktails, you had to send one more message, a day later:

"I bet we'd have fun; not to toot my own horn, but I'm pretty good at showing a good time."

I believe that counts as bragging, Shitty Writer.

 

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