OkCupid Gems

Back to OkCupid, the dark abyss of tech, nerddom, and polyamory with an imaginary light at the end of the tunnel.  Although I have no success with internet dating I keep doing it, time and again, because somehow, after three years of searching, I still have hope.

I have gotten about thirty messages since I reactivated my account a week ago, and I haven't responded to a single one.  They range from the lonely and verbose:

"Hi,

What were you up to this weekend? I am having a really nice weekend. This morning I went on a run around Queen Anne. I am trying to work up to running the Seattle Marathon next year. I still have a long way to go, but I think I can do it. Nice days like today provide a reminder of how scenic Seattle is when the view isn’t obscured by the mist. The view while running on the top of Queen Anne was really spectacular. I then met up with a friend to see The Unknown Known, the new Errol Morris documentary interviewing Donald Rumsfeld. His use of language is something like a rainy day in Seattle, except it isn’t covering up something pretty. We went to the Sundance Cinemas, where they now serve beer and real food. I am going to have to remember to go there more often."

To the desperately boring: 

"Hey there, how are you doing today?"

To the obnoxious and creepy: 

"It's kind of weird
I just need some honest advice

Truthfully how much does size really matter?"

 

The men have screen names like TallCleverKinky, nerdoutchampion, aboveaveragejoe, greatguy6375, and dudeosaurus. 

 

One man has, as his opening line in his profile, "Yes, yes, I admit it. I watch porn. Get over it."

 

He goes on to say he is a "bestial lover" and that he has been "known to make people laugh until they have to pee."  He also reports, in his self-summary, that he likes sex, which is helpful to know because that's unusual for a man.

 

His IQ is 186.  He had weight loss surgery.  He once talked a woman into an orgasm.  He thinks rainbows are pretty but he doesn't like ponies.  Okay he lied, he does like ponies.  And he loves "the flabbergasted expression on the faces of geniuses when they realize that I'm simply out of their league intellectually"

 

We are, according to the OKC algorithm that filters my romantic prospects, an 83% match.