MrVegan

MrVegan sorted things out with the ex-girlfriend and contacted me again to walk around Greenlake.  I had a good time on date #1- even wanted to kiss him afterwards- but the moment we met up to walk around the lake, I knew it just wasn't there.  The same intensity that impressed me on our first date irritated me on our second, and I found him slightly arrogant.  In retrospect I should have realized that he was overly confident before we met, when he sent my friend a message asking to sleep with her but not date her.  Right now my readers are doing a collective eye roll, thinking "Yep, I could have told you that!",  but I'm a little slow on the pickup, and these lessons have to be learned by myself.

In our walk around Greenlake, he said "This may be too personal of a question, but how has working in medicine influenced your sexuality?" 

"What do you mean?"  I was cautious, the question too open-ended for my liking.

"I mean, when patients tell you about their lives, does that make you more willing to try new things?"

That's right, on a second date walking around Greenlake, surrounded by all the Lululemon mothers pushing strollers, I was asked to share my kinks. 

He asked to see me again a few days later, and I sent a polite message declining.  Par for the course.

I have one good thing to say about the date that I just got back from, and that is that Bar Sue on 14th and Union makes an incredible gin and housemade tonic.

The man, who incidentally was nominated by a prominent Seattle media source as one of the "most interesting singles in Seattle," was pretty fucking boring.  I am certain he felt the same about me.  After an hour of forced conversation, I realized that my date and the (male) bartender had better chemistry than we did, and I silently sipped that heavenly gin and tonic while they chitchatted.  He paid for my drink, and I shoved a $10 bill in his direction because I would never make a guy pay for such a painfully awkward hour of life.  We succumbed to the dating defeat and gave up on conversation as we left the bar.  At the street corner saying goodbye, our faces broke into huge grins for the first time the entire night, both of us obviously relieved that the date was over.  There was a hug and a "thanks for meeting up tonight!", then I immediately deleted his number from my phone as I walked down the street, confident that he would never contact me again.

That was a great gin and tonic.

 

Not to be too critical, but...

If I meet you in a social setting off the internet, the proper way to communicate your interest in dating me would be, ya know, to ask me out on a date, not to send me a message on OkCupid two years later.

Happy dating Seattle!

Number 60

My friend texted me a few weeks ago, "OMG, I got the most ridiculous message on OkCupid. The guy basically said that he really wanted to fuck me but wouldn't date me because he's a vegan and I love steak and he knew it just wouldn't work out."

Another internet dating gem.

I agreed that it was hilarious, and I asked her for his screen name to put a face to the story.

MrVegan (screen name slightly modified for anonymity) was surprisingly unobnoxious in his profile and kind of cute. He was outdoorsy, liberal, socially conscious, and hmmmm.... You get the picture. I was interested.

Then the message came:

"Ok, can I take a guess? You saw my profile because I just edited my profile and part of it showed up on the Okcupid title screen?"

I didn't dare tell him why I saw his profile, but I did agree to meet up for a drink. After all, I have made a life choice that gives me so much more potential than basic fuckability: I'm a vegetarian.

The drink was fun- so fun that we moved on to Round 2 and got vegan soft serve. Not only was I attracted to him, but I saw a mindfullness to how he lives his life that piqued my interest. For me to fall in love with a man, I must think he is amazing. I need to be inspired and challenged, to have a partner that pushes me to live my life as a better person. It was only one date, but I could tell right away that we had in common an important desire to make ethical and deliberate decisions. So what if he wanted to screw my friend but not date her? Props for honesty.

I could tell that the interest was mutual. When I gave him a ride back to his apartment, he messed up directions and caused me to drive past his street.

"Do I make you nervous?" I laughed.

"Yes, actually. I'm very attracted to you."

It was the first time I had gone on an internet date when I would have kissed the man on Date #1, but he didn't make a move. "I'm just gonna give you a hug- for now- but I'd love to do this again" he said.

Fair enough. He sent me a message that night following up, and we wrote back and forth for a few days before I realized that he hadn't actually asked me out again. I sensed that he was interested but holding back, and I suspected another woman in the picture.

Well folks, I should go back to college and major in Male Dating Psychology because I would ACE THAT SHIT.  A week later I got another message from him:

"Hey, so, I had an awesome time with you and I would like to do it again. But, I have some loose ends to tie up with my long term ex-girlfriend who has reemerged after many months. If you can give me a couple weeks, I will check back in with you."

Totally cool and again, props for honesty. And if he doesn't get back in touch? At least I had a good time.

Dating at 31

I saw him again.  He came over at 12:45 on Saturday night after he had been out with friends, making a 2nd "date" a lot more like a booty call.  We had sex and he asked me to send him a Facebook friend request.  I hesitated a bit because it gave our relationship an odd formality, confirming we know each other outside the bedroom.

"So how many other men did you go out with in the last week?", he joked.

"Do you really want to hear the answer to that question?"

"Nah, it's your business.  That's what I like about you."

I have to say, it was nice to wake up to someone in the morning.  We smiled and cuddled, whispered to each other and had sex again before I drove him home.  I enjoyed the intimacy.  Criminal record and child aside, he's actually pretty normal.

I'll leave it at that.

 

On Apathy

The night after my date, I found myself crying into a vodka soda in the company of a good friend at a bar on Broadway.

"Was the date really that bad?", she wanted to know.

"No, it was good!  It was one of the best dates I've had in Seattle!  It just wasn't good enough..."  I sobbed some more.

We had sex, I told her, not because I felt a connection, but because I don't know what else to do.  I had already decided that I was ambivalent about seeing him again, so I figured I met as well get laid while I had the opportunity.  It raised the number of partners I've had in the last twelve months to equal the number of partners I've had in the previous thirty years.  Eight and eight.  I can't keep doing this.

My complete lack of feelings for the men I come across weighs on me because I am so passionate about every other aspect of my life.  I spend my work week in a constant fight to give people with few medical resources the best care I can, then I go out on a date and my only reaction is "Meh.  I'd probably sleep with him if I was drunk.  Don't really care to see him again."  The apathy over and over again gets depressing, and I can't help but think something's wrong with me. 

I wonder if the men I sleep with feel the same way.  This one sent a polite text message the morning after: "I had fun last night, thanks again.  Let's do it again some time."  I haven't heard from him since.